A reader writes:
I know there is no magic bullet or simple answer, but I thought you may have a suggestion for me. I’ve been taking perc or ox for five years, for the first 3 it was only 30-50mg/day but now it’s between 150 and 180.
Suboxone scares the shit out of me, but at the same time, every time I try to taper, I fail and I’m starting to go broke. I lost my health insurance.
I go to meetings 4 or 5 times a week, all helpful, but the physical part keeps me hooked.
I heard suboxone may be ok if used very briefly (like a month or less), as when taken for longer, the withdrawal is way worse than the oxy itself. I wish I could go to a 7-day detox or something, but I just don’t have the money and I don’t have insurance. I also freelance so I need to be able to work and I can’t lose more than a few days.
Anyway, I started trying to find low-income or sliding scale suboxone programs in NYC, but it’s slow going and I don’t want to just get hooked on something else. I have read long term effects of suboxone are bad too.
I guess my Qs are:
if I were to do suboxone briefly, a few weeks, would I just then have the same withdrawal as I would going cold-turkey from the oxy anyway?
is there something else in my area (or anywhere) where someone could go for opiate detox that costs nothing or very little?
I want to be clean so bad, but every time I try to taper I just fail.
Any thoughts/suggestions appreciated – I know you’re not a doctor or professional, you just seem to have a lot of info and I know how we like to help each other.
Thanks in advance.
There is no magic bullet, but in my experience there are simple answers.
The first was to know that I wanted to get clean. (Which you say you do.) First problem solved: I was telling myself the truth. The truth was, I was willing to do what it takes. And It Takes What It Takes.
The second was to ask for help. (Which you have. Keep doing it.) Nobody, but nobody, does this on his own. Even the people I know who don’t go to meetings have put together communities of other people trying to stay sober.
The third was to use my willingness and my growing community to decide on a path, and walk the walk.
For some people, Suboxone is the solution. They’ll tell you they don’t mind eating an opioid for the rest of their lives—it’s “like a diabetic taking insulin.”
In my opinion the diabetes analogy is worn out. I wanted my solution to be real freedom. When I reached out for help I met people who had shot heroin and who had gone bankrupt buying drugs over the Internet and who had drunk themselves into blackouts—people who drank and used to the excess I had, or worse—who were clean and sober. I wanted to break ties with all drugs that cause physical and psychological dependence. For me taking drugs is signing on for slavery. Just my reality.
I really wanted to go to rehab but I knew I couldn’t leave my kid for that long.
Here’s how I decided on a Suboxone taper.
I knew I couldn’t detox off full-agonists like oxy. Too alluring. (More truth-telling.) I needed to change all my habits. So I asked for help—I found a detox doctor who was willing to oversee a Suboxone taper for me.
I told him at the outset that I wanted to taper. When my resolve flagged, he reminded me that the project was to get free.
I put the taper in his control. I never had more than one week’s worth of drugs in my possession. He wrote out the taper, I wrote out the check, we shook hands. I waved the white flag and gave up.
I did what he and a bunch of other people—Dani, Allgood, Sluggo, Bonita, all online friends; and my new real-life sponsor and community—told me to do. I put my faith in the people who were sober and who told me I could be, too. I burned a script for more drugs. I went to meetings and opened my mouth and let myself cry on people. I kept collecting sober people around me.
Several weeks later I was drug-free for the first time in years.
And yeah, I ain’t a doctor, but I’ll offer this anecdotal caveat: if you’re taking 180mg Oxy, they’ll try to start you out at 8-12mg Suboxone (or maybe even more). But that would be increasing your tolerance. If you really want to get clean, you’ll start at 4mg and taper to 3mg within two days. You could do a 2-week taper, cutting to 1/4mg—the equivalent of 1 Percocet—at the end and have a relatively smooth landing.
I ain’t gonna kid you: staying clean was a slog. Tapering off suboxone was not nearly as bad as detoxing cold-turkey from fentanyl or oxy, but it wasn’t painless—I shivered, I kicked in my sleep, I sneezed 20 times in a row. Keep in mind, my tolerance was more than twice yours, and I’m probably a little smaller than you. I spent each day telling myself if I made it to bed without having stolen drugs (because yes: I used to steal drugs) or used anything, including alcohol, I was a success.
The best treatment for drug-cravings was vigorous exercise. It helps the body produce its private supply of morphine and dopamine. Dr. Steve Scanlan told me research shows people who exercise cut their recovery time in half. I made playlists that helped me drag my body around the neighborhood. Walk, run, cycle. Do pushups. Lift weights. Start small and grow bigger. I exercised, and my body and mind recovered.
A 180mg oxy habit is totally beatable. With a stick, my friend. Dude, if I can get clean, you can. I was on more than twice that and I’m free today. And I did not use insurance to get clean. But I paid what it took—the first of several critical investments I’ve made in myself over the past few years. Paying that doctor made me realize that, for a long time, maybe all my life, I’d withdrawn a great deal without putting very much back.
The most important information here: Get to a meeting. Tell them you want to get clean. Ask them to help you.
If you feel you need inpatient or other professional help, try Phoenix House, a large NYC-based treatment system with detox facilities in Long Island City. Or try the “free and affordable” resources listed on this website.