Guinevere Gets Sober

Recovery news, reviews and stories, by Jennifer Matesa.

Tag: sexuality (page 1 of 2)

Valentine’s Day: #Sobersex Vid Series!

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Since publishing Sex in Recovery, I’ve discovered that so many sober folks want to talk about sex, but they’re scared to start because they don’t know how. We’re raised not to think about sex, much less even talk about it, and to hide our experiments in this rich, healthy world of desire and pleasure. The culture bequeaths us the crazy-ass paradox that sex is dirty and that we should save it for the one we love.

I’ve talked with dozens of sober people about sex, and Lara (pictured above) is enthusiastic, sensible, and fun! My new #sobersex video series goes live on Valentine’s Day—the day I think we should love ourselves first, give ourselves not just chocolate but also self-acceptance and commitment to discover who we are.

Secret Facebook group for women: And if you want to be part of my new secret FB group for women interested in discussing sobersex, follow my Facebook author page and shoot me a DM.

Q & A About #SoberSex.

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The Pittsburgh City Paper ran a little thing today about how I wrote my book about sex.

In case you’re doing last-minute shopping, consider Sex in Recovery as a gift for recovering folks on your list.

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On G’s Gratitude List: Men.

They’re unfathomable creatures, men. I don’t understand them (and, actually, I do).

I love most things about them: Their hair. Their skin. The fact that they’re bigger and stronger than I am, even the small ones. Their minds. Especially their voices. I love listening to men talk and sing.

Right now I’m listening to Tom Waits … he wrote this beautiful song.


Many of my feelings about men, of course, have to do with my father.

I was NOT daddy’s little girl. That was my little sister. My mother claimed me as her best friend, confidante, and ally—which might be why I think men are such incomprehensible, mysterious, unreachable, alluring beings. I originally wanted to have a girl, but I’m very, very glad I gave birth to a boy.

For most of his life Dad had a big beer-gut, and he was not hairy. (I like men with hair on their arms, their legs, their chests.) When I was growing up, I didn’t consider Dad handsome. I was kind of ashamed of the way he looked, actually, because he didn’t take care of his body.

But here is a picture of my dad in college:

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Sex in Recovery: Advance Praise

Sex In Recovery revised 2c

The people who know their stuff are liking my new book.

Sex In Recovery is a work long overdue. In a frank, personal and highly personable way Jennifer Matesa opens a topic usually only whispered about: the essential role of sexual healing in sobriety. Many readers will be grateful to her.”—Gabor Maté M.D., author, In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters With Addiction

“In this beautifully written work, Jennifer Matesa accomplishes a herculean task. For decades, clinicians have struggled to assist patients to integrate healthy sex lives into robust recovery programs. At the same time, traditional 12 Step programs have promulgated rules that shamed and denied their members’ sexuality. Sex in Recovery resolves this disconnect. Through compelling narrative descriptions, it gives its readers a map to navigate, resolve and embrace their sexuality in its most rewarding expression.”Dr. Paul Hokemeyer, Senior clinical fellow at Caron Treatment Centers

Release date: Oct. 4. Preorder here.

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Sex in Recovery: Making Breasts Legal.

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The Venus de Milo. Greece, 100. B.C.E.

Several young people in recovery who I know have been putting up seriously badass feminist posts on Facebook. One such post—a story about how it’s legal in our state to go topless—was removed by Facebook. Maybe some jerkwad decided to flag it as obscene. Maybe the flagger felt intimidated by the photo on the story that showed actual female breasts (four of them, if I remember rightly).

Or else, Facebook’s algorithms trawled through and caught the post because it had tits in it. And the poster was banned from the platform for 24 hours.

It ought to be legal to show breasts in public. We ought to be able to look at breasts and think “sexual” or “womanly” without thinking “porn.”

A while ago I wrote a biography of a breast-cancer patient who had a double mastectomy at age 30 and you know what?—the local paper could run a photo of her naked torso AFTER surgery because it was a family newspaper and there was nothing recognizable as breasts in the photo. Editors are running businesses so they have to meet their readers’ needs, but it’s just too bad that American readers feel safer looking at the scars and mutilation caused by treatment of disease than at a healthy female body.

Having researched this book about sexuality and recovery that’s coming out in a few months (please stay tuned), it’s clearer to me than ever that our culture is bound by insane moral judgments about sexuality that distort people’s sexual response, leading to abuse of substances and, worse, of women and children (by both men and women). The young women I know have such badass courage to be posting the feminist stuff that they’ve been posting recently! They have my admiration.

I feel strongly about making human bodies legal. So ladies, when it gets warm, let’s go down by the river and take off our shirts. Feeling safe and accepted inside our bodies is, by the way, the best way to overcome trauma and to avoid relapse.

And here are all the places in the U.S. where you can Go Topless.

topless_map_with_MX_clean_1

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