Since publishing Sex in Recovery, I’ve discovered that so many sober folks want to talk about sex, but they’re scared to start because they don’t know how. We’re raised not to think about sex, much less even talk about it, and to hide our experiments in this rich, healthy world of desire and pleasure. The culture bequeaths us the crazy-ass paradox that sex is dirty and that we should save it for the one we love.
I’ve talked with dozens of sober people about sex, and Lara (pictured above) is enthusiastic, sensible, and fun! My new #sobersex video series goes live on Valentine’s Day—the day I think we should love ourselves first, give ourselves not just chocolate but also self-acceptance and commitment to discover who we are.
Secret Facebook group for women: And if you want to be part of my new secret FB group for women interested in discussing sobersex, follow my Facebook author page and shoot me a DM.
The Pittsburgh City Paper ran a little thing today about how I wrote my book about sex.
In case you’re doing last-minute shopping, consider Sex in Recovery as a gift for recovering folks on your list.
They’re unfathomable creatures, men. I don’t understand them (and, actually, I do).
I love most things about them: Their hair. Their skin. The fact that they’re bigger and stronger than I am, even the small ones. Their minds. Especially their voices. I love listening to men talk and sing.
Right now I’m listening to Tom Waits … he wrote this beautiful song.
Many of my feelings about men, of course, have to do with my father.
I was NOT daddy’s little girl. That was my little sister. My mother claimed me as her best friend, confidante, and ally—which might be why I think men are such incomprehensible, mysterious, unreachable, alluring beings. I originally wanted to have a girl, but I’m very, very glad I gave birth to a boy.
For most of his life Dad had a big beer-gut, and he was not hairy. (I like men with hair on their arms, their legs, their chests.) When I was growing up, I didn’t consider Dad handsome. I was kind of ashamed of the way he looked, actually, because he didn’t take care of his body.
But here is a picture of my dad in college:
The people who know their stuff are liking my new book.
“Sex In Recovery is a work long overdue. In a frank, personal and highly personable way Jennifer Matesa opens a topic usually only whispered about: the essential role of sexual healing in sobriety. Many readers will be grateful to her.”—Gabor Maté M.D., author, In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters With Addiction
“In this beautifully written work, Jennifer Matesa accomplishes a herculean task. For decades, clinicians have struggled to assist patients to integrate healthy sex lives into robust recovery programs. At the same time, traditional 12 Step programs have promulgated rules that shamed and denied their members’ sexuality. Sex in Recovery resolves this disconnect. Through compelling narrative descriptions, it gives its readers a map to navigate, resolve and embrace their sexuality in its most rewarding expression.”—Dr. Paul Hokemeyer, Senior clinical fellow at Caron Treatment Centers
Release date: Oct. 4. Preorder here.
This blog has always been free of ads and fees. If you like what you find here, please use the buttons to share.