Guinevere Gets Sober

Recovery news, reviews and stories, by Jennifer Matesa.

Buddhism meets the 12 steps

The Wisdom to Know the DifferenceEileen Flanagan’s book about the Serenity Prayer, The Wisdom to Know the Difference: When to Make a Change—and When to Let Go, was reissued in paperback yesterday. In preparing the book for reissue, she combed through her archives looking at outtakes… Since one of my favorite interviewees of hers was Park Dong-Sun, a Korean Buddhist monk and recovering alcoholic, Eileen gave an outtake from her interview with Park for the readers of Guinevere Gets Sober.

Eileen brings an honest and deeply thought Quaker perspective to the Serenity Prayer, but not necessarily a perspective from recovery—the community that, from a cultural perspective at least, perhaps gives this prayer the most sky-miles. No one can “own” a prayer… but for hundreds of thousands of people on the planet, the Serenity Prayer brings to mind “the rooms.” Eileen relies on her subjects to provide the personal perspective she herself lacks… and Park Dong-Sun, a longtime Buddhist practitioner, is an entertaining and wise subject. It’s brilliant that she found him.

If you’re looking for a book to teach the principles of discernment between the time to change and the time to accept things as they are, then this book is worth the price. In my review I recommended the chapter about “seeking divine assistance” for people who have trouble with “the God thing” in 12-step programs… But I also recommend the chapter on “letting go of outcomes.” Eileen’s Quaker practice of stillness gives her prose a calm and steady tone and provides the lubricant that helps the medicine go down… Especially when she’s telling me, for example, that I need to let go of my image of what I assume I should be doing, because it may close my mind to divine guidance that contradicts that picture. Something I need to hear right now…

Thanks to Eileen for the text below.

Happy Labor Day weekend.


Park Dong-Sun, a Buddhist monk and recovering alcoholic, on the 12-step path

Park Dong-Sun came to the United States decades ago to establish business contacts as an exporter/importer. Now in his late 60s, he notes that it was very common for people to drink socially in his native Korea, but not to get drunk. In the United States, however, he started getting drunk, especially when his business failed, and his drinking accelerated. “I used alcohol as a lubricant for socializing,” he explains, though he did not like the effects.

A turning point came when he watched a friend’s son struggle with addiction and then get sober with help from the recovery community. Park was inspired to go himself, first to Al-Anon and then AA, where he observed people who had successfully stopped drinking, something he had been unable to do on his own. “I wanted to be part of it and use their program to quit drinking, and that’s what I did the last 25 years, and I haven’t had a drink since,” he explains.

As Park studied the Twelve Step Program, he had to translate some of the language from the Judeo-Christian tradition into Zen Buddhist concepts. “It was a struggle,” he recalls, but it rekindled his desire to study and practice his own tradition, which he has done for more than 20 years now, along with working the AA program. He does walking meditation about two hours every day. “I haven’t made much progress,” he says laughing. “But I did spend lots of time studying the teachings, over and over and over.”

He takes the saying Let go and let God and relates it to the Zen teaching Let go of all your concepts of life, explaining that this is a powerful teaching, though difficult to practice. “Ultimately the Zen training and practice is to stop conceptualizing. As soon as we conceptualize we limit ourselves, and with that limitation, we cannot see the whole.” For example, you can’t become enlightened by effort. It only comes when you’ve let go of any ambition to be enlightened, which is why so few do it. Park notes that it is difficult to let go completely, especially all of a sudden, “so we move progressively one step after another.” He compares it to doing the Twelve Steps. “There is no beginning, and no end,” he says, like the Serenity Prayer, which he says helps people to get to a higher level.

Park explains that Buddhism recognizes that there are different levels of spiritual practice. A typical church or temple service only requires an elementary level, but the Twelve Steps require an intermediate or even advanced level of spiritual practice, which is why he says they are so difficult for newcomers. One thing that helps in both Buddhism and recovery is community, which Park compares to a nurse that administers the medicine we need. He expresses gratitude for his own communities and thanks all his teachers, including the Buddha.—Eileen Flanagan


  1. Thanks for posting this! When I saw it here I realized that I should explain that some of the people I interviewed for the book used pseudonyms, including Park and the other people in recovery.


  2. Thanks G, The Serenity Prayer has always been helpful in my life. I invite new understanding and insight that help me use it in my life. Wisdom to know the difference can still be a stumbling block for me.

  3. hi g,

    i’ve been taking a blogging break and now i’m back reading this wonderful piece. i must say i am so impressed by your ability to put such helpful advice into such an easy form to read. i really love this post. i study a little buddhism too in my journey of recovery. it appeals to me greatly. i recently went on a silent retreat to an ashram that incorporates east and west religions. i love what he says about after 25 years of sobriety he takes a 2 hr meditation walk and admits to not learning very much. i think that’s one of my problems. i want it all now. i have to remember it’s the journey not the destination. thank you so much for this post. you continue to inspire.


    ps ~ thank you for the comment you left on my last post. i was thinking i had done the same thing that you suggested. not many of the parents did though. funny, us codependents.

  4. Thanks for this review, I just downloaded it to my Nook and I’m looking forward to reading it!

  5. I just wanted to follow up. I’m actually reading this book and its fantastic.

  6. Saturday morning blog reading at the high end. Thanks G.

  7. guinevere

    June 11, 2011 at 8:15 am

    @Richie, thanks, bro. Great to see you here. /G

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